Vineyard East Youth

The past three years have been the most challenging of my entire life. Grief, I have learned, brings you to your knees both figuratively and literally. Without getting into all that, I want to take a second to share something I have learned: I cannot stand alone. Walking through this Valley I have learned that my family is a God-given bedrock for me. What amazes me, is how often we sacrifice family in the name of God.

I see so many pastors and youth pastors who have this constant inner battle: God versus Family. For most people in this world, there is a tension between Work and Family.  But for pastors, it’s deeper. Our “work” is God’s work. So it feels like we often have to choose between God and Family.

I firmly believe this is a tactic of the Enemy to discourage and ultimately to destroy us. I take great solace in 1 Timothy 3:3-5 which talks about people in leaderhsip: “He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?)” 

You see, this verse does not pit Family against God. No.  In fact, it does the opposite.  It says, if you are going to lead in the Kingdom of God, you must have your family as a priority in your life! How can I expect to be a healthy part of my family, and build a respecting and loving relationship with my kids if I’m never around?

So this is my encouragement to all pastors, and to us youth pastors in particular: make family a priority. As youth pastors, we are often young and starting our families.  It is SO important to set a good precedent early. Make time to just BE with your wife, and with your kids. Separate ministry from family time. You can’t always be “on duty.”  Your family needs, and deserves, your undivided attention.

Trust me, as someone who has spoken to pastors kids all over the country, this will pay dividends. Keep your promises.  Be there. Show love. This too is “God’s work”—never forget that. And I have found that often the weariness that ministry brings on me, is met by my wife and kids—and I am replenished like never before!

And for those who don’t have families of their own, I believe this goes for all relationships. God created us to need relationships to be healthy and whole. If we run ourselves into the ground, and forsake relationship (see Hebrews 10:25) then we will pay a costly price down the road.

So make room for relationships. Set family as a priority.  And be refreshed! You will find you are able to do the work of the ministry from a place of freedom and wholeness, the more you keep your priorities in-line with God’s!