While on Facebook the other day I took a minute to make a comment on someones thoughts about 24 and Jack Bauer. Now, I do like watching 24 but frankly a ninja would take him out any day right? So jokingly I made some comments meant to be purely fun and sarcastic. Unfortunately, it did not come across that way and I ended up offending some people. Did I mean for this outcome? Absolutely not! However, as often happens, my written words did not come across with the emotion that I wanted. I should have been more careful in how I wrote my comments.
I pondered for awhile whether I should reply to these postings and if it was even worth it or would it help or hurt the situation. It was obvious that there was potential that my reply would not be received the way I was necessarily intending them. However, as someone who should be striving to be a peace maker I feel that I really need to deal with the situation and apologize. Huge deal? No, not really. The right thing to do? Yeah.
While continuing to ponder this situation many different things kind of lit up for me. The biggest things that hit me were:
- When posting on-line, sending an email, text, IM or other manners of communicating it seems that people have the habit of getting defensive. This may be because so many people can see the postings and they feel slandered, they may have been burned through these forms of communication before or they simply are broken hurt people that just don’t want to get hurt and sarcasm fails to bring humour.
- When using the written word it seems that the level of English language used, grammar and ability to share thoughts, ideas, inspiration and emotion has become lost in the midst of limited time. Many are used to trimming down their paragraphs, sentences and even words to save time. But if we bring our ability to communicate to such a fast food presentation we have lost our ability to truly share in a trustworthy manner things of a serious nature.
- Additionally, because through modern technology we can now communicate with so many more people at once, it is very easy to get caught up in trying to reach everyone to the point that we miss the real communication we needed for the few. Maybe we need to be more intentional when communicating to make sure we are sharing deeply and richly with those that really need to hear from us.
I want to encourage everyone, if written words must be used, please be careful what you are sharing and really, really know your audience. Don’t share things of an emotional nature or things that can cause confusion or hurt through the written word unless you can write it out in a manner that clearly conveys your thoughts without a need to be interpreted. If you really need to share something that could be taken the wrong way through non verbal ways then:
- Call the person and talk to them
- Meet them in person over coffee, go out for dinner
- Make time out of your week and invite that person to be a part of something you normally do
- Basically, work on your relationships in a truly meaningful way that conveys God’s love clearly
- Hang out more and get off the computer/text/IM
Don’t stop talking with all your friends, but if it is serious stuff or things that could bring offenses, think before typing. May we live lives that show the love of God in a way that draws everyone around us into the arms of Jesus.
Jeremy, this is such a huge deal. I can’t tell you how many times I have inadvertently offended people through email. I’m learning which issues are OK over email, and which ones truly need face-to-face time. I’m also learning to take a few seconds and re-read important emails. Often I can reflect and realize that what I am saying could be taken the wrong way. This is “looking out for the interests of others” and is hard to do. But a discipline Christ wants for us. Great encouragement – thanks!
I agree…I too have had to back pedal so many times. I do, however, think it is a POWERFUL and BEAUTIFUL thing to model “I am sorry” to all that we serve. I love seeing the defensive walls break down as humility is used and we simply say “I am so sorry, I shouldn’t have said that”
Hopefully we take those steps to not have to even be in that place though being more careful…often times, especially on Facebook where the world seeing it all, I have read and reread comments a few times before posting…half the time I end up deleting them. 
Thanks for reminding us about this Jeremy!
Just read your post about “words”. I think it is very important as well to read and re-read all emails, facebook posts and if we can texts as well. It is very easy for things to become mis-interpreted by others especially with the absence of body language and facial expressions. I just recently had to rebuke one of our youth for postiing some comments about their personal family issues but I also followed up with a face to face with the student and with the parents. It was unreal the stuff this person was sharing online for everyone to see and their parents were completely oblivious. Even though words get lost in electronic translation I have also had experiences where I have said something to someone in a very exhortative and edifying way and they responded with extreme negativity to it. So even though we are very careful with how we engage with our students their filters are perceiving somethnig totally different than what we are saying due to past hurts or experiences or sin. When that happens we have to be quick to re-explain ourselves so that they understand where we are coming from. It’s amazing because there could be ten positive experiences you may have with one student on a spiritual level but it takes one negative experience for them to lose trust in you. It’s unfortunate but alot of this is due to things they have already experienced or have been exposed to whether it is in their house, with friends or in school. But they are the FUTURE and the NOW of God’s Kingdom and we should never lose sight of that no matter how hard it gets. BTW that person I had to rebuke on facebook for the family comments has blocked me as their friend but I know I did the right thing by putting the families interest first before my own as a youth leader.Great word bro!!!!
Wow Chad, that sounds like a crazy situation. You know, as I was reading your post I was thinking to myself, “Man, how can we get it right?” I think all of the advice already given is wisdom, and I’m going to try and keep that in my mind from now on. I also feel to add on top of that, just a sensitivity to the Holy Spirit.
There have been a few times recently where I have felt a check in my spirit before sending an email that maybe would have been better face to face. Afterwards I realized I had disobeyed the leading of the Holy Spirit and had a mess to clean up. So I’m trying to add to wisdom an obedience to that still small voice. Funny, after this many years, still a challenge for me.